BLITHERING, BUMBLING, AND RAMBLING #6

THE FARMERS MARKET

Back when my wife and I were first engaged, we made plans to minimize our possessions before moving into our new house, to avoid duplication and clutter. It was simple, everything that we had two of, or just no use for in the new house, would be taken down to the farmers market and auction, and sold. We had a simple formula for deciding which duplicates- the crappiest one goes. Oddly enough, that usually meant mine. We borrowed a truck, filled it with the stuff to be sold, and headed down to the auction grounds at 5:30 am to get a space before it opened. 

This was back before online sales existed. Yeah, when dinosaurs ruled the earth. So anyway, when we got to the auction lot, before daylight, the line of cars waiting to get in for sales was about two city blocks long. But, because all you had to do was check in and move to your assigned space, it didn’t take long before we were inside the gate and inching forward in the lot. 

Then, like a swarm of gnats, we found ourselves surrounded on both sides by folks on foot, peppering us with questions about how much we wanted for various items in the back. As we would answer one, another would ask in quick succession, and if we gave a price, cash was handed in through the window. A series of hands grabbed items out of the truck while we were still moving. By the time we arrived at our auction space, a third of our inventory had been sold. 

As said before, the gates had not opened to the public yet, so what was circling around us were the other vendors who were buying our stuff so they they could sell it again once the public came in. These people popped up from all directions, appearing out of the darkness, asking, paying, and disappearing. (sounds like a movie doesn’t it? Mysterious strangers creeping out of the dark, no names, no discussion, just a quick exchange and then vanishing into the night).

I couldn’t tell you what any of the buyers looked like, because all I saw was hands, silhouettes, flashlight beams, and cash. I could certainly describe the hands with the cash. Huh.

As we parked and unloaded our stuff, multiple times we found a buyer to do it for us. By the time the gates opened to the public, we had already sold half of what we brought.

And they stuck around, circling the lots, like buzzards overhead. They talked fast, like a Mississippi used car salesman. I began to wonder how many had come in with nothing and were just establishing a re-sale business on the fly. As the first hours of daylight arrived, and the flow of customers perused (yeah it’s a word, really) our wares, we spotted some of our already sold items on display in nearby lots.

“Solid Oak construction!”one guy was shouting to people as he pointed out to my former entertainment center, which I, and he,knew was cheap particle board, and warped at that. “Genuine antique!” another one shouted from two lots away, holding up some vase thing my wife had bought at Sears a couple years ago. We giggled at the shameless display of back-alley merchandising. Until———they sold our stuff!

That’s it, my wife-to-be said, take the truck over to your place and load it up again! Hurry! I left as she had less than a dozen small items to sell. It was only 10 AM and she and I both thought it was possible to sell out before I got back. When I returned there were only a few items left. Quickly, we began unloading all my stuff. I had grabbed everything I didn’t want, AND IT ALL SOLD! Aaaaha!!

Thinking ourselves to be marketing geniuses, we began to haggle a bit. Oddly, we sold a fake Christmas tree that had no center pole (the lady said she would make wreaths of it). A blender that was missing the top piece (customer said she’ d been searching for that exact one) and a case full of 8 track tapes (don’t judge me, it was a different time! Besides, the guy that bought said he was a collector-go figure.) 

We sold out quickly, and decided to take off, content with our brief experience as street vendors. As my future bride counted the cash as I was driving, I pondered a thought:

Why did I have to go back for just MY stuff?

HOME IMPROVEMENT II

Ok, so when I last described our remodeling project, it was fraught with problems to delivery and installation of appliances. We had been slowed down by the dropping of our oven, resulting in the gouging of our doorway trim and the buckling of the wood frame around the stove by the installers.(Earning the appliance tech the nickname : dropsy guy). Some weeks after that, another installer managed to turn our stovetop on while his safety cover was on top of it. (His nickname, of course, now “Ka-woof” after the famous familiar sound of gas burners igniting on blankets).

We had, finally, reached the last (we were told- though we had been told this 3 prior times ) appliance installment, our gas dryer. And on what was promised to be, at long last, our end to this remodel, we awaited the arrival of our dryer, and, wondering, would this be it. So as we (ok , me) paced in anticipation, the truck arrived.

I walked outside as they were unloading. A friendly voice greeted me from the truck, accompanied by a cheerful smilie, which I recognized as….. ………..awwww man it’s Ka-woof! A second guy pops up from inside the truck starts pushing the dryer towards the ramp. Gasp! Teeth Clench! Shortness of breath!—it’s Dropsy Guy!

My anticipation of successful installation began to waiver. It felt like the appliance gods had sent Gomer and Goober with baling wire, chewing gum and a hammer. Gawwwd! I was more on the edge of frantic than I was when I watched The 49ers lose their last two Super Bowls.

I sucked it up and spoke softly. It seemed like everything moved in slow motion. They got the dryer inside the door, nothing fell. They hooked up the gas. You could have heard a pin drop a mile away. I held my breath, like, loooonnnnggg time. Then they turned it on. As it spun on, Ka- woof turned toward us and said it looks like it’s up and running, and there was a soft sound from the dryer. “That’s good to hear” he said. 

What was it? The gas igniting in the dryer. He said he always waits for that sound to make sure there’s heat circulating. I looked around just to make sure there was nothing like, I dunno, a blanket or something to catch fire. Nothing, nada, zero, bupkis. A sigh of relief a mile long.

And as the installers packed up and left, for the last time, the sun shined, the sky became bright blue, and a wonderful peace was restored. We giddily did laundry, able to now dry it to its fluffiest. And the song that seemed to keep playing in my head, to my absolute delight was “The End”, by the Beatles. And yes, I agreed to stop referring to the installers by their nicknames.

GEM STATE?

My wife and I went to Idaho to visit our daughter. Never been there, always wondered about it, wasn’t real sure what to expect. First thing you think about when someone mentions Idaho? POTATOES- of course. Heck, it’s on their license plates, it’s in pretty much every restaurant in one form or another, there is a motel shaped like a giant potato, and of course-

Yes, way! As shown previously on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives, the Westside Drive In serves a variety of stuff, like a full prime rib dinner, steak fingers, gems, and of course the ICE CREAM POTATO! We found it, we ate it, we loved it.

What’s that you ask? What are gems? Yeah, wondered that myself. Turns out, when you see it on the menu, they are talking about, (wait for it)-tater tots. But when you see it anywhere else, they really are talking about gems-More than 72 different types of precious and semi-precious gemstones are found in every corner of Idaho. Uh huh.

Which is why Idaho is THE GEM STATE. Seriously. California is Golden, Idaho is Gem. Whoa. Show of hands- who knew? And why, if they are, do their license plate say “famous potatoes”? The golden state doesn’t mention our fabulous avocados or Napa Valley wine on our license plates. Funny, of all the things I’ve heard about the state, gems and,precious stones never entered the conversation. When you look up things to see and do there it doesn’t come up either.

On the other hand, their tater tots are a real gem of a dish. (tee-hee-hee). And I can certainly use the knowledge gained from it as a conversation starter. Like, if I see someone with a nice piece of jewelry, I can say “Lovely bracelet, is that an Idaho original?”