BLITHERING, BUMBLING, AND RAMBLING #17
PEEPS
There was a battle for territory on our front porch a few weeks ago. The bird that has endeared itself to Debbie, has been perching on our front door ring camera post, at night only, for more than a year now. It made no mess, came in each night after dark, and perched on the camera, and left at first light of day. If anyone wandered out onto the porch in the evening, with the porch light on, the bird stood there calmly, and watched all passers by. It made no sound at us, and became a regular visitor. Debbie nicknamed the bird “Peeps”.
Debbie checked the porch each night, and bid the bird a good night. Since Peeps was quiet and respectful, we showed him off to nighttime visitors. And life settled in to this routine. And then…….(suspenseful music here)……. Peeps got a girlfriend! Hey, the guy’s got more on his mind than staring quietly into space.
So Peeps’ new girlfriend is not the quiet type. She chirps, she flys away in a panic when we come outside, and she starts building a nest up there on my ring camera post. Well, just hold it right there lady. No squatter condos allowed on the front porch.
Thinking fast (well, ok, not me, but Debbie noticed it right away, and told me to get on this, like, fast) I deconstructed the nest each day, before it neared completion, figuring, sure, they’ll give up. Not so. They would start rebuilding within minutes of me tearing it down. It became a daily test of endurance, bird vs. homeowner, bird not giving in. So, yeah, on to plan B.
Plan B was to cover up the top of the ring camera to prevent anybody from building in our no construction zone. I stuffed newspaper up behind the perch so there was nowhere to land, which meant nowhere to set up housekeeping. It didn’t take long before the ring camera activation notified us of motion on the front porch. The motion: an angry bird attacking the newspaper in a fit of rage and chirping really harsh things about printed news media. Yeah, Peeps’ girlfriend on the warpath.
After seeing that, Debbie was sure that we should take the newspaper down at night, to give peeps a place to perch in the evening. So I did. And when Debbie said good night to Peeps that evening, he wasn’t alone. His pissed off girlfriend was crowded on to the same ring camera perch, and she had THE LOOK, in her eye. You know what I’m talking about. The look that makes you freeze in anticipation of confrontation ahead that will not end well.
The following day the camera perch was covered in newspaper again. And after chirping her head off for awhile, and fluttering in several times to see if it had moved, Peeps’ girlfriend finally started concentrating on building one about twenty feet away, on the side of the garage. Debbie and I decided that was ok, too. So, truce.
But the next night, as I walked by the front door, there was Peeps, all by himself, standing on the camera perch. And from off in the darkness, twenty feet away, I could just feel THE LOOK burning into the side of my face, as I heard muttered chirps in the distance. Peeps said nothing. He looked sad.
I decided a little conversation couldn’t hurt, so I said “Relationship issues huh? Been there, done that. Hope it works out for ya”. And then I turned out the porch light and stepped away. And it sounded like there was a heavy sigh from the porch, and somebody said “yeah”.
I don’t know, could have been the wind. I couldn’t actually identify it as Peeps. Because after all, he never has, you know, peeped.
BAMBI VS. THE CANADIANS
Continuing on the subject of wildlife, I was walking across the house early one morning and saw that there were two geese (Canadian Geese of course, I could tell by their accents) next to fence in the backyard. Odd, I thought. Those same two honkers had been in that spot every morning that week. They stared at the water in the pond and they stared at me. They didn’t move for 20 minutes. Hmmmmm.
And then a deer came by. The deer walked towards the geese slowly, waiting for them to move out of the narrow pathway between the fence and pond. The geese didn’t move. The deer moved forward, lowering his head to their eye level, inching forward in a steady display of requesting a pass on the path. The geese stood fast, and reacted in classic goose-like fashion. They raised their heads to the fullest extension of their necks, staring steely-eyed at the approaching deer. I froze in place, watching this confrontation in nature.
The deer stepped within 3 feet of the geese. The geese froze like statues. The deer hesitated, raised its head, then stopped. 10 seconds went by. 10 very long seconds. In a rare moment of avoiding my morning routine, I actually forgot about my espresso and focused. Wow, seemed kinda like David vs Goliath to me. And then…..
The deer blinked! Yeah, wiggled his ears, shook his head both ways, and, seeing no movement, turned around and went back. He kept looking back at the geese as he walked away. The geese remained frozen in position, necks extended, returned hard, cold stares. Brrrr, gave me chills.
I continued to watch because the geese did not move, relax, or lower their heads. They gave the steely eyed stare to the deer’s backside as it walked away. For about the next twenty seconds this continued. Jeez, you guys, take a breath already!
And then the deer came back. With a buddy. Whoa, honkers, the showdown just moved up a notch. The original deer was in front, advancing slowly. The geese were still in confrontation position. The second deer was less than a foot in back of the first. 2 vs 2. I could mentally hear the sounds of the theme music from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Yes, dramatic. The deer inched up to within about 3 feet of the geese, and again the lead deer lowered its head to their eye level. The geese did not budge.
The deer in front raised and lowered its head and stamped its right leg. He got the cold stare back. As the front deer hesitated, deer #2, clearly losing patience, raised his right leg and pushed against the hip of deer #1. So #1 turned around with a look of annoyance. Deer #2 twisted his head sideways and gave back a “what’s the hold up?” look. Deer#1 decided to walk back around and let #2 take the lead. Deer # 2 stepped forward, slowly. He locked eyes with the geese and stopped about 4 feet away. The geese stood firm.
#2 hesitated, raised and lowered his head and stamped his right foot. The geese gave him the “yeah, so what? “ look. The deer looked flustered, turned his head right and left, probably wondering where his buddy went. After a few moments of reconsideration, #2 turned tail and headed back to join #1. Still the geese did not relax, did not lower their heads, did not take their gaze off the retreating deer.
What the heck are the geese being so stubborn for, I wondered. For crying out loud, the deer have size and weight advantage, and could ram, stomp, or boot the geese into the next county. Seems an odd time to stand in the way of Goliath.
Yeah, well the deer weren’t giving in either. Back comes #1, along with #2, and they bring a buddy. Yes, again! 3 vs 2 this time. Did the geese look nervous? Naw, they still hadn’t budged. Again #1 approaches, the line comes to a halt, and the geese remain outstretched and glaring back. The staring lasts a couple seconds longer this time. I stand transfixed to this scene, the deer seem more determined this time. Showdown. And yes, my morning cup of espresso was no longer calling me. (Which almost NEVER happens)I’m hearing the music build up in my head again. And here we go……
#1 looks uncomfortable being in the lead, and twice looks back to the others for some helpful support. #3, whose view of the front of the line is obscured by the other two, shows the same earlier impatience of #2 and paws #2 on the behind as a clear indication of his desire to move on down the path. #2, miffed that he is now the pushee instead of the pusher, turns around and gives # 3 a glare that is rather intense. #1, realizing that The movement behind him is #2 turning around, decides this is a good idea and turns around and walks back past the other two. #2, now in the lead, inches forward again lowering his head in the now currently trending stare -off with the geese.
#3, ever the impatient one, nudges his head against #2, who turns around and retreats, leaving #3 alone with the geese. The honkers have frozen in that outstretched neck position for about 5 minutes now, no blinking, no turning, no sounds of any kind emanating from them. Mother goose stories were never like this. Wouldn’t want to play poker with these guys. #3 didn’t want to either. He stared for a couple seconds, looked around for his buddies, then decided he wasn’t ready to go out on his own. He retreated. Wow. This was better than watching Animal Kingdom.
The geese continued to stare for two more minutes. Then, finally, they relaxed and lowered their heads, and sat down. The deer did not return. And it was over an hour before the geese left. It wasn’t until about 5 days later, again in the morning, when I looked out into the back and saw the geese emerging from the same pond tules, with 5 baby geese. OOOOOhhhhhhhh, now I get it. Well played, Canada. Very well played. 🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥
THE HAND IS QUICKER THAN THE EYE
Way back when Debbie was pregnant with our first child, I took her out one night to see the Harlem Globetrotters at Arco Arena. It was an evening full of surprises. The first surprise was that when we entered the arena, an usher was nice enough to take us all the way to our seats. The seats, it turned out, were in the front row. Yes, and right behind the basket. Seriously. No one was more surprised than me.
The second surprise was that the players were so close to us at times, that we could hear almost every word they said. For a show that is very G rated on TV and from a distance, but from right next to the court you heard every grunt and cuss word. At times it was quite foul, and reminded you that despite it being a comedic entertainment on the basketball court, up close it was raw and intense.
Surprise number three was the close proximity of play around us. Almost everything was just five feet away. And when they step out of bounds next to you, or come down on the floor right in front of you, your heartbeat picks up quite a bit. At one point a missed pass resulted in the ball bouncing right into my hands. I leaned over towards Debbie and grabbed it with both hands. It was not coming in that fast, so it was a worrisome point, but not a panic. And hey!- I caught a ball!
The whole evening up to that point had been great. Funny antics by the team, jokes by the announcers, fan interaction with the players, and the closest viewpoint to a sporting event of that scale that I had ever seen. I was amused and entertained, and Debbie had never seen these guys live before. This was a whole different level of sport entertainment.
And as I sat there enjoying this show, one of the Globetrotters dribbling across the court made a hand move that was so swift it didn’t register right away that the ball was flying straight towards my head, at bullet speed. In an instant my hands reached up to protect my face. (Yes- surprise # 4!). In that same instant, another player racing in from my blind spot on the right side, stopped the ball with his outstretched hand, a couple feet away from my face. My head whipped back in fearful reaction of sudden impact. The guy who got the ball leaped up and made a backwards dunk from underneath and the crowd went wild. It took a couple seconds, and then I started breathing again. Yeah, gasp!
Several years later when our daughters were old enough to play basketball, we took them to see the Globetrotters. At one point in the game, one of the Globetrotters went into the stands and asked a kid to come out on the court with him. With the game being played at the other end of the court from where the kid was standing by the basket, one of the Globetrotters threw the ball to the player who brought the kid in. He immediately passed it to the kid and told him to take the shot as the two teams were running towards them. The kid, who couldn’t have been more than ten years old, made the shot. The crowd went wild. Everybody wanted to be that kid.
My daughters made several comments about how exciting it would be to be that close to the game going on. Oh, it’s exciting, I said. Especially when the ball is coming right at you. My mind often goes back to that when anyone mentions being at a sporting event in “front row seats”. I always have to ask them, did you catch a ball? Of course if they say no, I give a sympathetic smile.😀
PERSONALIZED PLATES
Remember the Ford Pinto? Ford produced them back in 1970’s as a compact, fuel efficient, economy car. But after a few years in production, it became cursed by the recurring reports of a small problem it sometimes had, if it got rear-ended in a crash. It would erupt into flames. Yaaaah! I know, right?
It was pretty common to see them in the 70’s, but by 1980, it was cursed by the occasional news clip showing it burst into a fiery cloud. So in the 80’s, they disappeared from sight altogether. And in 2010, yeah 30 years later, I saw one. Yes, way! It was a bright red one, I’m guessing about a 1974 model, driven by some kid who was too young to even have been born within 10 years of the last model built. And the license plate on it read: KA-BOOM!
I giggled, I laughed. And I remembered back to the time in the 70’s when, if the owner of a Pinto offered anyone a ride, the chuckleheads standing next to them always chipped in something sarcastic like “Wear your fire-proof underwear, and check the rear view mirror every 5 seconds! “. I figured the kid driving this car was getting that info to all potential passengers; or, warning tailgaters.